What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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