I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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