I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
