Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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