i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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