saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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