party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Someone shit on the floor
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
