What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
