when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
