I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
