You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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