If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
