A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
