Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
