You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
