how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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