So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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