You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
