sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
