I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
