Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
