he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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