I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
