Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
