I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
