just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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