Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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