Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
