I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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