Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
