Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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