so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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