So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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