Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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