Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You made out with two different species that night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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