just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
