You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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