fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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