something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
