Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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