Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
