i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
