He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
