Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
