Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
