it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize