do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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