we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
