Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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