So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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