I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
