i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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