i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
