you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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