i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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