Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
