the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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