May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
