so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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