there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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