i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
