it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
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