Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
