Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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