Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
