I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.