I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
